August 3: 1ST YEAR PHARMACY SCHOOL DONE

Where the hell did the last year go.

I found myself jaw-slacked and blinking, metaphorically dumbstruck and stupefied, after finishing my last final this past Thursday. Hitting submit on my last final exam and seeing the score I both wanted and expected - anticlimactic.

This past year went nothing like I ever expected it too. I waited so damn long to go to Pharmacy school, but honestly didn’t get serious about my academics until the 2 years leading up to my application. Reminds me of my time taking my first AP class, AP Bio with Mr. Briggs. I genuinely can’t remember why I took that class, but I remember lacking the self-confidence and motivation to commit myself to any academic challenge. I stuffed my papers into my backpack. I failed every binder check because I didn’t own a single binder throughout high school. Always had plenty of pens on me though cause I hate pencils and I love pens. Once got a 0% on a genetics exam because I didn’t want to use a pencil on the scantron and figured I’d just use a pen and probably be fine. Anyways – that AP Bio experience with Mr. Briggs taught me that if I actually take that risk and challenge myself, risk my ego, I could actually do something greater than that lame asf shit I be on.

This past year in pharmacy school, I managed to finish with a 3.95 GPA [-A in Pop Health; B+ in Law = maybe starting to become republican (a little racist and a loose respect for the rule of law)]. I got elected as Student Council President-Elect, meaning I’ll be the class president of the Gainesville campus after the next year. Managed to get the most competitive internship offered to first years at Tampa General. And this is all despite the fact that I was never supposed to be here. I took 4 years to get my A.A. from a community college (SPC is Elite though Go Titans), had literally the exact minimum GPA requirement to apply to most pharmacy schools, am generally a bit of a moron, never took the entrance exam, and had to apply to every school in the state.

I really just don’t know. Do I feel happy and accomplished and proud? Yeah most of the time. Do I feel absolutely ridiculous and lucky and scared? Yeah most of the time.

I have always had a vision of what I want my life to look like in 20-some-odd years. It’s been consistent for some time but does inhabit some fluidity based on the new passions I find. This idea of my own future has been my north star my whole life. I imagine I am racing some unknown force in the universe, towards that destination, and they are justttt barely tailing behind me waiting to pull the big rug out from underneath me the second that they finally catch up.

I hope this dream of mine can outrun it forever.

I am pretty exhausted at the moment. Finished school on Friday last week and immediately came to Tampa to work the next 6 days, my last day being tomorrow on Thursday. This introspective rambling is about all the catharsis I can muster at this point but it feels sufficient.

Thank you for reading.

- August