Quentin: 8

 Gucci Mane (ft. Offset)

-Backing Track-

Hello Bloggers, Happy Cinco de Mayo, more importantly 

Happy Met Gala.

The theme for this year’s Met Gala is “Superfine: Tailoring Black Style.” This has a lot of weight that I am probably not qualified to talk about being a Caucasian (half-Cuban) 24 year old, however, I don’t care and I will be judging everyone’s looks on the carpet. I will listen to Met Gala by Gucci Mane and Offset on repeat while writing this, let’s just dive in. 

Victoria Ceretti came out swinging. This is just awesome, looks super comfortable, fantastic silhouette, elegant gloves, I mean wow. I don't know who this is but now I do, just some really cool stuff. I'm not sure if I should do number ratings, actually who cares let's have some fun, 9/10. Wojo should make this, I reallllllly fuck with that hood man. Awesome.

Valentina Ferrer and J Balvin let me down. I think his suit is actually really nice and perfect for the theme, but you just can't wear pink with this skin tone in my opinion. Really just looks like a fancy pig just got out of the farm. Valentina what are we doing with the polka dots and the mess in the back, let's try that again. Honestly the more that I look at it, this suit keeps growing on me. 5/10.

Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats: NAHHHHHH IM SO APPALLED (just a song reference I'm not actually). This is just top to bottom gas, the matching couple outfit isn't tacky, they both look so good. Every picture of them goes insanely hard, I'm honestly having a blast writing this, don't have anything to say other than good or bad but this is good good. 9/10.

Ok Demi Moore, I liked the substance and wanted you to win the Oscar, but this is just not really my cup of tea. I don't know what I'm looking at, the fit isn't flattering, bracelets are too much, shoes look bad. I mean I'm just not a fan at all sorry. Also somehow this outfit makes her ears look huge, they're not that big. 4/10. WAIT BROOOOO SHE'S DRESSED AS A HUGE NECK TIE WHAT LMAOO 7/10.

Holy fuck this is worse than her music (impossible). Leave it to a white person to completely fucking ruin this theme. What is this. Reminds me of something someone would make on the first episode of Project Runway before they really thinned the herd. Ass. 1/10.

someonepourmeupadoubleshotofwhiskey 4/10.

Detritus 1/10.

Let's fucking go bro. Lupita Nyong'o crushed. Cool ass cape. Great shade of blue, and an insane tiny hat. I like how small the hat is. I'm really having a good time but I'm getting a little bit sick of the song Met Gala now, I just turned on ATLiens and now the takes are really gonna flow. 8/10.

Bias alert, I love Ayo Edibiri, and she is genuinely unrecognizable here. This is an absolutely perfect fit, the black leather juxtaposing the bold red jeweled dress is absolute magic. Maybe she'll read this and appreciate my eye for fashion who knows. 9/10. 

Holy fuck white people are having a bad showing, freaky ass porcelain doll. 1/10 get out of here nightmare nightmare. 

I can't really expound on what is bad about this, the stripes? the fit? the clash? I just don't like looking at it, and that's kinda the point so not good. 3/10. bad.

Woah this goes insane, crazy layers going on here, the corset is perfect here, I think I'm not good at rating this because a lot of these people are just attractive. Actually no I am right, this fit goes hard, I have a good eye. 8/10.

 Just realized I've been forgetting to put people's names. The last three people in order were, Cole Escola, Ava DuVernay, and Danielle Deadwyler. As for this one we've got Andra Day in the toughest color my eyes have ever seen. Yuck. 2/10.

Jesus this is the most unflattering fit we've seen yet. Sorry Miley this is dogshit 1/10. Woulda been better with a wojo croc belt. 

Damn Madea got that shit on. 8/10.

I think this picture may have done the outfit dirty, or the outfit is just plain bad, either way it's getting a 3 from me. 3/10.

Damson Idris, who stars alongside Brad Pitt in the new movie F1 came to play. Tearing off a movie promo to reveal the coolest suit I've ever fucking seen is easily worth of our first 10. Great Job. WOW.

I don't think Zendaya has ever missed, this goes crazy. Those pants are so awesome, how does everything fit so perfectly. 9/10. 

Man, Anne Hathaway missed? I got sad when I saw this. #catwoman #sad 3/10.

Meh, Walton Goggins took a big swing but somehow it left me with nothing, kinda bored. 5/10.

Fits weird Babyface, too boxy, cane is cool? 4/10. I wonder if anyone's still reading

Turned on Sundress when I saw this, I mean the guy is a model so this is an expected hit. Everything about this goes hard. Fucking revolver umbrella. Goddamn 9/10.

Appreciate the swing Andrew Scott, best I can do is a 5/10. 

Bobblehead Mindy Kaling 4/10. This fit would probably go insane on someone different, I know that's mean but she really looks like a bobblehead. 

Lmao bro just showed up from a trip to Nashville for his frat brother Chet's birthday. (I would love to wear this) 5/10.

I hate Bad Bunny, but I gotta give him his flowers, sick ass fit, what a straw hat. Gloves are elite. I want da bag. 9/10.

snooze bro snoooooooooooooooooze 3/10. lorde

Hot take , mirror suit is kind of awesome. I don't think the makeup works and this outfit seems to tear its Achilles 10 feet from the finish line, but I like it. 6/10. 

 Idk wtf this is. 8/10 Alton Mason.

BORING BRO BORING BORING BORING 2/10.

This is fucking awful jesus I wanna be done now. 2/10.

I like this, it's weird as shit but she has a lot of gold medals so it works, shoutout Simone Biles. 7/10.

Damn this is gorgeous. Shoutout Brian Tyree Henry (the voice of Megatron in Transformers One) 9/10.

white people r boring fuck u james corden 0/10. so bored. 

I like how happy Maya Hawke looks, so sweet. 2/10.

fire. 9/10. that necklace is awesome, everything is so complimentary.

 

11/10.

And that concludes my Met Gala roundup. There was a lot of outfits I didn't comment on, feel free to text and share opinions. Excited to see where people agree and disagree. There's a lot of cool outfits I didn't comment on. Feel free to google Colman Domingo or Patrick Schwarzenegger's outfits, loved both of those. 

As always, thanks for reading. 

Quentin: 7

 Why Don't Dogs Drive Cars?

    6:55 pm

    "Blog Day, I'm late on the reminder" 

    "We switched... it's your day" 

7:03 pm

    I take a quick shower and ponder what my blog will be about as we all do, I have a really good idea but it'll take much longer than I have time for at the moment. My favorite thing to do on this blog is just write about stuff as it comes, we all know I love some slice of life. With that being said I decide to just take notes of the rest of my night's activities to give you all a glimpse. 

    (I didn't really consistently note the time for everything so just bear with me)

    I hop out of the shower, realizing my hamartia (my laziness) has gotten the best of me again. Draped in nothing but a towel, I walk down the stairs and out to my car to get my laundry out of the backseat. My hamper has been stationed in the backseat since I left Palm Harbor last night at 8. I throw on the Minnesota Vikings shirt I pilfered from Nathan, some pants, and saddle up in August's passenger seat. 

7:12 pm

    As we venture to Trader Joe's I look down at my phone, "Are you ready to play soon?" From Ryan Powers.

"OMW to trader joes, ETA: 7:45." 

"PoG." 

    August and I have an affinity for the Orange Chicken at Tjoes. 100 grams of protein for 5 bucks is just insane. While there we load the basket with the usual suspects, veggie fried rice, Greek Yogurt, granola, eggs, hash browns, blueberries, orange juice, but we also add a newcomer, Golden Berries. They sound awesome, August was theorizing that the cumquat had rebranded because of low demand, I thought that sounded reasonable. All I needed to do now was check off my final item on the list: Look At The Greeting Cards. For just 99 cents these greeting cards are just a good time man, I got a nice fun blank one with a cat on it, then my eyes were drawn to a card with two dogs hanging out of the window of a car. 

    "Why Don't Dogs Drive Cars" etched on the top of the card. Eager to find the answer I removed the plastic sleeve and opened the card with purpose. On the inside? No words. 

I looked at August who was witnessing the whole event unfold, our joint gaze shared one emotion, bewilderment. For a moment I theorized, perhaps the punchline had to do with them being colorblind? No. They can't parallel bark? Also no. 

    Feel free to ponder it yourself while you read the rest of the blog. 

    I threw the card in my handbasket and we went on our merry way. Abetted by the sweet tunes of Jim Croce, we made it back home, and did all the grocery put away stuff. 

7:47 pm 

    I texted Ryan that I was on, and joined him on Discord for our bi-weekly wingman session. Sometimes we're gods amongst men, other times were serfs amongst kings, tonight was the latter. Before getting into games he turned on his facecam and showed me Raechel and Finn behind him on the bed, we had a cup-filling conversation about life and her new job at a hotel in Epic Universe (passholders suck) before booting up CS. The first two games I tried to take notes in between the rounds but it ended up being mostly garbage. We lost both games 3-9, tough start. During the second game, however, August came into my room with a bowl of orange chicken and fried rice. What an angel. I had half of it during game two and then went downstairs to eat the rest with him at the table. We watched the Friday Beers crew play DND, after laughing heartily at Liam say "I'm gonna use my stealth to hand him drugs," I went back upstairs to reconvene with Ryan. Game 3 started mostly the same as 1 and 2. At half we were down 2-6, felt bad until both Ryan and I couldn't stop clutching. Our teamwork had finally clicked and after a furious comeback from 2-8, we finished the game in a 8-8 tie. I'll take a tie 7 days to Sunday (idk if that's a saying). We played a swift play Valorant (I hope it catches on with him, it won't) and he got off for the night. 

10:33 pm

    "I mean just let me know ever" 

    "Ummm like when" 

    Six minutes later it was Chris and I in discord, ready to play some Valorant. We played some ridiculous comp games. He tried out Raze, I played a game as Sage and did absolutely nothing the whole time except laugh. He carried as Iso, I carried as Neon, we had a goooooooood sesh. The last two hours we made a Spotify Jam and listened to a combination of underground UK rap and calm classical music. At 2 am Chris made it to SILVER LETS GOO.

    We ended our night after we befriended a Chinese man in a swift play and promised to play with him tomorrow night. 

3 am

    I climbed into bed, after a good night of games and groceries, still pondering that Dog Joke. What was the answer? Why wasn't it on the inside. Why didn't I check the other cards to see if it was a misprint? Just kidding, after August and I contemplated for a little bit too long, we realized we had read the card wrong. There's not a question mark, but an exclamation point, also Dog and Don't are switched. "Why Dogs Don't Drive Cars!" and it's just because they stick their head out the window. 

    We laughed way harder at that realization than if it had actually been a joke, so I'll call it a wash.

    

Quentin: 6

 Inferno

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here

The rays of blue light cut through the darkness. Before me, a triad of fast food apps strewn onto my iPhone’s home screen. Little Caesars stood above the others; remnants of the ad I had seen earlier flooded the recesses of my mind. 

The Pretzel Crust Pizza is Back.

Shaking off the cold fervor, I escaped into my dreams.

I arose with the same idea trapped within my brain. A scalding shower wasn’t able to wash the words out; I knew what had to be done. Adorned in my extra-large red North Face Budapest shirt, Aaron’s beige sweat shorts, and my white Crocs, I departed. A mix of eagerness and worry presented itself while I sped to my destination. 

First stop, Publix. I knew where I had to go: Aisle 10: Charcoal. I grabbed a Bic lighter for $4.99, exchanged pleasantries with the employee, and was on my way. I took note of how I felt in the moment, for after this, the day would be shrouded in darkness. I marched from the bright green grocery storefront to the orange neon sign a mere two doors down. Above me, a sign; in lieu of the words “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” it read “Little Caesars,” completed with the logo of Caesar himself indulging in a slice of pizza. The messages were the same. 

The door opened, and with it the aroma of pizza filled my nostrils; out from the back a hulking man sulked forward. He gestured at the old, hunched-over figure before me to the third level of the Pizza Portal (a fancy pizza oven). The senior grabbed his pizzas and crazy bread and exited promptly. I walked up with the poise of a preschool student. “Order for Quentin,” I mumbled (I had placed the mobile order for my beloved before my departure). 

“The Pretzel Pizza?” He questioned, and I nodded my head yes, “Just a second, it’s in the oven.” 

After what felt like just a second, my pizza was on the counter. I ferried the box into infinity (my car is an Infiniti Q50). The first trial began to rear its ugly head. Sat in my car, the fumes of the Pretzel Crust Pizza arrived– the Pretzel Crust Pizza is not ordinary by any means. A pretzel crust base, covered not in marinara but a special cheese sauce, then covered in mozzarella, before being topped with pepperoni and finished with a sprinkle of parmesan and Asiago cheese. It’s also only $6.99– A rotten stench diffused through the vehicle; the windows retreated quickly, to no avail. Fleetwood Mac bolstered me with the courage I needed to continue to drive. The sounds of tires screeching within the cul-de-sac echoed. I made it to sanctuary.

After passing through the doorway, I freed the lighter from its packaging and lit two candles in haste. I peeled open the box, unable to look away from the contents. This was my sustenance for the day. Affairs settled, I sat before the pizza. It was time. The clock read 1:45pm; the first bite had been taken. Jesus Wept. A cacophony of flavors tormented my taste buds. This was only the first slice. Each gulp tore through my soul, but then, like an oasis in a desert, the crust extended a hand. The salty, mostly plain, pretzel flavor carried my wounded being to safety. The first slice had been conquered. 

Isolated in an empty living room, staring down 7 more slices of this affront to God, I chose to fight fire with fire. Sliding the sauce drawer open, I rummaged for the elixir: McDonald’s Minecraft Nether Sauce. I meditated on how I had gotten where I was, each decision that led me to this moment. The silence only being pierced by the churning of my stomach. I was aching already. Bathing the second slice in the Nether sauce was the only solution, and it worked. The second slice had fallen. 

The fifteen minutes I had been perched at this table felt closer to fifteen hours. The third slice was where the aforementioned Asiago truly made its mark. It was reminiscent of something foul. Like two rocks falling towards each other at full speed, each shred of Asiago cheese destroyed everything in its path. Each bite grew more and more labored. This flavor was consuming in its evil. The Nether Sauce was gone, and with it, the third slice. 

2:07 pm. My fingernails clawed at the top layer of the 4th slice. Attempting to pry the Asiago off of the pepperoni it was sewn to was arduous. Small crumbs would fall by the wayside, while the bulk remained secure. Grease began to cover my hands. I kept clawing. Minutes passed, the cheese still barely giving way. My fingertips became blanketed in oil. I was sullen. I fell into a black sulkiness which can find no joy in God or man of the universe. The pizza had bested me. 

At that moment my phone chimed. Will wanted to play Valorant. I hurried upstairs and escaped for a moment the perils of below. In the middle of my journey, I found myself within a dark woods where the straight way was lost. I was grateful for the wood's presence.

An hour and a half elapsed. I descended, ready to conquer what lay before me. Armed with a Diablo Sauce from Taco Bell I swarmed the fourth slice. I finished it within the minute. On to the fifth. 

The boulder had started rolling; it wouldn’t be stopped soon. I was stiff as a board and focused on one objective: finishing what I had started. I washed down each bite with a gulp of water like it was a pill. I was once a man; I had lost all sense of that by this point. By now I was a tree. Unwavering in my conviction and my goal to finish what I had started. I gorged myself with such ferocity that before I had been able to check the time, three slices were gone. I was already on the final slice of pizza.

At about this moment, I realized what I had just done with my day. 

In a moment of creative vigor, I drove to a Little Caesar’s and acquired and ate almost an entire pizza (that I actually detest at this point) just to parody Dante’s Inferno for a blog post that only my brothers read. Each slice resembles a layer of hell in a thinly written, vapid connection to the source material. It’s in this momentary epiphany that I found the true metaphor. It was beyond the eight slices, in the ninth circle of hell.

In Dante’s Inferno, after leaving the eighth circle of hell, Virgil and Dante descend into the ninth circle, where they come upon an ice river. Trapped in ice up to his waist, at the very bottom of Hell, sits Satan. Dante depicts Satan as a demon with three heads eating three souls: Judas, Cassius, and Brutus. My friends, I am not adjacent to Dante in this story; I am Brutus and Cassius, traitors of Caesar. As I locked eyes with the last slice of pizza, stomach in turmoil, I knew the way forward. I did what those before me did, and I turned on Caesar. I stood, grabbed the last slice, and made my move. The final piece of pizza hurtled towards the bottom of the trash can like a meteor plummeting through Earth’s atmosphere. I took the box of pizza outside and gently stowed it in the recycling bin, ready for its pickup tomorrow morning. With a sigh of relief, I walked back inside and sought refuge on the couch.

I’m not sure if there is a lesson in all of this, but I can safely say that I, Quentin Mir, do not recommend Little Caesars Pretzel Crust Pizza.

Quentin: 5

 Welcome to Round 5. 

Another 10 days have come and gone and while multiple ideas have crept forward into my brain, none have been able to leave their mark. So instead I’ll make a pitch to everyone reading this. 

Play Valorant

I was playing a lot of Valorant recently, but with Kedrick going back to work in the office instead of remote, and Will transferring to Rainbow Six; I’ve been left on an island. I’m not going to solo queue because that’s boring, so I need to recruit my friends. Valorant is a tactical shooter, like CS:GO; however, the wrinkle comes in the form of agents. Instead of everyone sharing the same smokes and flashes, each player gets to play a specific role, with unique utility. Think CS:GO meets Overwatch. Blah blah utility who cares, everyone’s getting bored, but don’t worry, this was my plan. The real pitch starts now, I will be telling all of you which agent you should play. Thanks. Oh actually before you scroll down to your name just stay with me for one second, I have to give some background.

Every Agent in Valorant falls into one of four roles, (also to note, Every Agent has three pieces of utility and one ultimate ability).

Duelist- Entry Fragger who can use their utility to help them win duels.

Initiator- Teammate who can gather info for their team and assist by using flashes to give advantages

Controller- Smokes, they're the characters that have smokes

Sentinel- Specialists in locking down certain areas of the map, Very Good on CT.

Ok now go.

John

The easiest choice of them all. John, meet Chamber. 

I know you, I know what you like about CS, AWPing. Chamber is a sentinel whose utility is unlike anyone else in the game. His tripwire will scan for enemies and slow them if they go near it, and that is his most boring ability by far. He has a personal Desert Eagle that you buy each bullet for (maximum eight), but now we get into the juicy stuff. His signature ability is a teleport that automatically allows you to escape after hitting (or missing) an AWP shot safely. This ability to reposition and leave unfavorable engagements is just a blast, but John, it's time to talk about his ult. 

    It's an AWP with 5 bullets. You don't have to buy it which means if you're low on eco you'll still be able to AWP, that's awesome.

Nathan 

Hey fella, I know you can’t play Valorant given the lack of a computer, but just come on the journey anyway. You’d love Gekko. All roads lead to Pokemon, and Gekko is unique through his gaggle of buddies in his bag. Dizzy, Mosh, Thrash, and Wingman are so useful, but more importantly they just look so damn adorable. I included a Valorant player card that really show you how great this squad is. Also, It’s not exactly important to mention but Wingman can plant or defuse the bomb and that’s pretty neat.

Ryan 

Speaking of Wingman, hey Ryan. Phoenix is your guy and that’s just the way it is. He’s just got flashes, a Molotov, and a fire wall to help you clear out a lane for yourself. He’s a character that lets you just play the game, it’s not that complicated if we’re being honest. I need Valorant to add a 2v2 immediately please.

Kedrick 

Hey bro, you’ve got your character and that’s just the way it is. Brimstone is your man, you’ve always got the smokes when I need them, the molly lineups, I’m actually typing this in bed rn and I swear to god I just look like the wolverine meme. Baby come back. 

Bryce 

YEAAAAAAA, I need a damn wave crashing. Get over here and play Harbor. I’m running out of steam writing this and idk if you even read these anymore. You’re my friend. I miss hanging out with you. 

Andra 

Welcome, welcome, congrats on platinum in rivals that’s just amazing! Unfortunately squirrel girl is not in this game so we’re gonna have to go with Skye. An incredible initiator who has a bunch of cute animal friends. Pair her dog that she uses to scout out areas of the map with her birds that flash the enemy and we’re really getting somewhere. Also she can heal her team so when Chris takes damage you can keep your sweet angel healthy. 

Katie

Well this is a bit of a tough egg to crack.. we’re locking in Vyse here, she’s made of metal and loves flowers. Idk maybe there’s a metaphor in there somewhere ? Or maybe I’m just outta gas. Thanks for being here. 

Chris

    Hey buddy, just play as Iso. He has cool ass drip like you, all of his animations are sick, and he gets a shield. An actual shield in a CS game lmao what the hell who came up with that. Just aim diff people, let's play right now.

August 

Hey roomie, you’ve don’t have time for Valorant so instead I’ll just deliver you a haiku:

First Mag, Beers did flow

Walter Clayton Junior- wow 

Tomorrow… we ride.

Lucas

The last pillar. The Meta man himself. You want to solve games, hammer whatever the best option is. I approach you humbly, golden goose in hand, Tejo. He has ruined the game and the current meta and for that , you will love him. He has 2 mollies that recharge every 40 seconds… I mean what else do I even need to say. Post plant utility is just stupid, he also has a drone and a stun, I mean get on bro let’s have some FUN.