Quentin: 5

 Welcome to Round 5. 

Another 10 days have come and gone and while multiple ideas have crept forward into my brain, none have been able to leave their mark. So instead I’ll make a pitch to everyone reading this. 

Play Valorant

I was playing a lot of Valorant recently, but with Kedrick going back to work in the office instead of remote, and Will transferring to Rainbow Six; I’ve been left on an island. I’m not going to solo queue because that’s boring, so I need to recruit my friends. Valorant is a tactical shooter, like CS:GO; however, the wrinkle comes in the form of agents. Instead of everyone sharing the same smokes and flashes, each player gets to play a specific role, with unique utility. Think CS:GO meets Overwatch. Blah blah utility who cares, everyone’s getting bored, but don’t worry, this was my plan. The real pitch starts now, I will be telling all of you which agent you should play. Thanks. Oh actually before you scroll down to your name just stay with me for one second, I have to give some background.

Every Agent in Valorant falls into one of four roles, (also to note, Every Agent has three pieces of utility and one ultimate ability).

Duelist- Entry Fragger who can use their utility to help them win duels.

Initiator- Teammate who can gather info for their team and assist by using flashes to give advantages

Controller- Smokes, they're the characters that have smokes

Sentinel- Specialists in locking down certain areas of the map, Very Good on CT.

Ok now go.

John

The easiest choice of them all. John, meet Chamber. 

I know you, I know what you like about CS, AWPing. Chamber is a sentinel whose utility is unlike anyone else in the game. His tripwire will scan for enemies and slow them if they go near it, and that is his most boring ability by far. He has a personal Desert Eagle that you buy each bullet for (maximum eight), but now we get into the juicy stuff. His signature ability is a teleport that automatically allows you to escape after hitting (or missing) an AWP shot safely. This ability to reposition and leave unfavorable engagements is just a blast, but John, it's time to talk about his ult. 

    It's an AWP with 5 bullets. You don't have to buy it which means if you're low on eco you'll still be able to AWP, that's awesome.

Nathan 

Hey fella, I know you can’t play Valorant given the lack of a computer, but just come on the journey anyway. You’d love Gekko. All roads lead to Pokemon, and Gekko is unique through his gaggle of buddies in his bag. Dizzy, Mosh, Thrash, and Wingman are so useful, but more importantly they just look so damn adorable. I included a Valorant player card that really show you how great this squad is. Also, It’s not exactly important to mention but Wingman can plant or defuse the bomb and that’s pretty neat.

Ryan 

Speaking of Wingman, hey Ryan. Phoenix is your guy and that’s just the way it is. He’s just got flashes, a Molotov, and a fire wall to help you clear out a lane for yourself. He’s a character that lets you just play the game, it’s not that complicated if we’re being honest. I need Valorant to add a 2v2 immediately please.

Kedrick 

Hey bro, you’ve got your character and that’s just the way it is. Brimstone is your man, you’ve always got the smokes when I need them, the molly lineups, I’m actually typing this in bed rn and I swear to god I just look like the wolverine meme. Baby come back. 

Bryce 

YEAAAAAAA, I need a damn wave crashing. Get over here and play Harbor. I’m running out of steam writing this and idk if you even read these anymore. You’re my friend. I miss hanging out with you. 

Andra 

Welcome, welcome, congrats on platinum in rivals that’s just amazing! Unfortunately squirrel girl is not in this game so we’re gonna have to go with Skye. An incredible initiator who has a bunch of cute animal friends. Pair her dog that she uses to scout out areas of the map with her birds that flash the enemy and we’re really getting somewhere. Also she can heal her team so when Chris takes damage you can keep your sweet angel healthy. 

Katie

Well this is a bit of a tough egg to crack.. we’re locking in Vyse here, she’s made of metal and loves flowers. Idk maybe there’s a metaphor in there somewhere ? Or maybe I’m just outta gas. Thanks for being here. 

Chris

    Hey buddy, just play as Iso. He has cool ass drip like you, all of his animations are sick, and he gets a shield. An actual shield in a CS game lmao what the hell who came up with that. Just aim diff people, let's play right now.

August 

Hey roomie, you’ve don’t have time for Valorant so instead I’ll just deliver you a haiku:

First Mag, Beers did flow

Walter Clayton Junior- wow 

Tomorrow… we ride.

Lucas

The last pillar. The Meta man himself. You want to solve games, hammer whatever the best option is. I approach you humbly, golden goose in hand, Tejo. He has ruined the game and the current meta and for that , you will love him. He has 2 mollies that recharge every 40 seconds… I mean what else do I even need to say. Post plant utility is just stupid, he also has a drone and a stun, I mean get on bro let’s have some FUN.